Attraction...And Not The Kind You're Thinking!

So I was pondering what to blog about. I had plenty of ideas but none seemed to fit my mood, as it were.

I finally settled on something my friend Gwen and I have been talking a lot about recently. Our attitudes, and how like attracts like. For example, if you are negative and expect negative things, you will, of course, attract negative things.

Have you ever had to do something—a meeting for work, a family gathering, whatever—that you just dreaded? You’re convinced that it is going to be horrible. You’ll be bored, people will annoy you, the time will just drag on and on and on. *raises hand* It’s happened a time or two for me. ;-) And surprise, surprise, my expectations are met. I was bored, people did annoy me, and the time passed so slowing, I thought the clocks were broken.

Well, one day Gwen and I were talking, and she mentioned a book she was reading about attitudes and like attracting like. It sounded intriguing, and as she read the kept sharing more and more as she read (and it’s an ongoing conversation—she’s not done with the book yet!)

The basic gist of it is, attitude is everything. If you expect bad things, that’s what you’ll get. However, the opposite is true. Expect good things, be positive, and watch what happens. So we started a little experiment between us. No more negativity. And believe you me, we call each other on it.

An example—the other night we were on IM and I was dreading going to bed because I hadn’t been sleeping well lately. I wasn’t looking forward to another night of tossing and turning, poor sleep, and having to drag my tired butt out of bed early with the kids. Which of course doesn’t make a happy mama. Gwen totally called me out, said no negativity. I stopped myself, and thought I’m going to sleep well tonight. My body needs to rest. I’m going to lie down, and wake up refreshed and ready to face the day.

When I lay down later, I kept repeating that in my head, focusing on a good night’s sleep and not letting negative thoughts invade. And guess what? I did sleep well that night. I woke up to the alarm and felt rested. It wasn’t a chore to get up.

I’ve written more and been more productive since “banning” negativity. If I only write 1,000 words that day, even when I’d hoped for more, I don’t beat myself up about it. I think, hey, any day that I got some words in is a good day. I’ve been more patient with my kids. It’s amazing what one change can do in your life.

Now, I’m not pretending that my life is all sunshine and rainbows since trying this positivity thing. I still lose my temper, I still have bad moments and get down on myself. However, I’ve found that I don’t dwell on these things as long. I don’t beat myself up for being a bad mom, wife, daughter, . I tell myself it was a bad moment and I need to move on. Some times this isn’t the easiest thing to do, but it seems to work.

What about you? Do you believe in like attracting like? In the power of the mind? That expecting good things will attract good things to you? Something to think about.

Jess

P.S. The name of the book Gwen is reading, in case you’re wondering is The Law of Attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks. I need to order my own copy, that’s for sure.


Jessica Jarman
www.jessicajarman.com
“Real Women, Irresistible Men, Endless Possibilites.”

Cybernet Expo and Marketing for the New Romance Author

To properly market yourself in any business, you have to do different things. I did. For those who have been following me, you all know I recently attended the Cybernet Expo, put on by the folks who run the YNOT network. If you've clicked on thel inks by now you know that I'm talking about attending an Adult Webmaster Convention put out by people who run porno websites.

Don't be alarmed if you're intrigued but don't want to be hit by a ton of spam. The two sites are work safe (mostly) and won't cause problems for your machine.

You're probably wondering why I'm mentioning this if I'm claiming to be an erotic romance author, and asking what the fuck this has to do with writing.

Well, the reasoning is simple. I work for Radio Dentata hosting the UnNamed Romance Show, andwe've expanded our focus to include erotica authors and more unconventional guests. The reason is obvious: Bringing in a variety of listeners who like both my erotica and erotic romance.

I covered the Cybernet Expo with the intention of going into the various educatoin panels and classes offered in order to do the one thing most authors don't do. Set myself apart from the herd.

In the pornography world, there are a TON of websites devoted to redhead cougars (my favorite) but what sets one website apart from the other (and brings in the cash) is how they advertise and the things they DO outside the box. I just heard a great quote that says "it's not enough to think outside the box, you have to ACT outside the box too"

Let's break down advertising (dirty version) of a porno site:

Get content
Write copy
Blast it all over the place (either viral or organic SEO)

Well, doesn't that look like what we as authors do?

We write books
Get them published
Blast our work all over the place (usually virally but some authors have organic SEO in place)

What I needed to get from Cybernet Expo aside from great interviews was new contacts and more ways to reach the broader audience I write for. And amazingly enough when I said "I write erotic romance" a few people handed me business cards.

Utilizing what I leanred at Cybernet, I'm becoming more immutable in my quest for reaching the broadest audience possible. It's a sort of shotgun approach because I don't have time to worry about laser focus.

The lesson learned here should be simple: If you want to stand out amongst your peers, do different, bolder things.

Oh, it didn't hurt that I was practically drunk the entire week, got very little sleep and ate very little (i lost 3 pounds LOL!) because the YNOT people know how to party...

What I Learned at a Photo Shoot

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My friend, Kendra, called me up one day and suggested I do a photo shoot with a friend of hers, photographer Michael Draga. First off, I was stunned into silence and then I began to giggle. You’ve got to be kidding. Why on earth would I do a photo shoot? Okay, I’m an erotic romance writer, and this is pretty cool, but I’m also a middle-aged mother, complete with wrinkles, bulges, bumps, dimples (and not the cute ones), scars, etc. etc. For the record, I’m not fishing for compliments here. I’m good with how I look now. I’ve worked hard at all the imperfections – worried over children and parents for the wrinkles, enjoyed wine and whiskey for the bulges, sat on my as to watch T.V. for the bumps and dimples, and had numerous surgeries or accidents for the scars. Considering all I’ve been through, I think I look just fine.

Be that as it may, I’m still a woman and as such have insecurities. And, those who know me well, also know that while I put on a good front, I’m also a bit shy and self conscious at times. Once I realized she wasn’t kidding about the photo shoot, but had actually set up a date and time, I panicked. What do I wear? What do I not wear? Will the photographer shake his head and wonder why the hell I’m there? Will I be laughed out of the studio? Is this a scam?

Finally, the fateful day arrived. As with everything I do, I over-packed. I was also nervous and jittery as all get-out. Kendra had accompanied me for several reasons, safety, security and because I may well have chickened out if she hadn’t. She helped me dress and pose for Michael Draga.

Guess what happened! Not only did he not laugh at me, he complimented me, took amazing photos of me and made me feel like a celebrity. One thing he taught me: it’s the imperfections – a slightly crooked nose or teeth, eyes that are not the same size, freckles, wrinkles – that make each person distinct and beautiful. I need to thank him for that. His artistry and kindness helped me to relax and see my own beauty and sensuality. After seeing the photos, I think I can see what he saw: a mature, intelligent, sensual woman. Also, after inspecting a picture of my legs, I finally realized what people have been telling me – the scar from the knee surgery that I was conscious of is actually barely noticeable.

So what’s my point here? Simple. Women, myself included, don’t celebrate their own beauty and sexuality nearly enough. We, as a group, tend to focus our energy on eliminating our perceived flaws. What we truly should do, though, is embrace those flaws while appreciating our unique gifts.

Obviously, all photos are by Michael Draga.

Remembrance Shared

Okay, so it's the 7th, and I'm late, and I happened to pull the date of Michael Jackson's memorial service. I can't help but celebrate Michael Jackson's music and think of how he affected so many people. I can't help but wonder if and how any of us touch others and thank each of you who have touched my life.

As for me touching anyone, I know I won't get (and don't want - lol) hours of a memorical service. But I do hope one message is clear when all is said and done when it's my time to go: No regrets. Only love.

Thanks to all of you who spend hours sitting at your computers penning words of love, offering insights and perspective for readers (me included) on life, laughter, love. Words that make me think, reflect, speculate, and wonder.

Peace, everybody. Keep working but don't forget your own lives as you strive to touch that of mine and others. Enjoy life. Enjoy one another. Leave your tracks in the sands of time and let your love shine.

~ Sunny Lyn

One Step At A Time

I posted a few days ago that I was going to climb a 13-er...a mountain over 13,000 feet tall, in preparation for this weekend's 14er.

The mountain had about 2,800 feet of elevation gain. When you consider a flight of stairs has an elevation gain of about ten feet, you get some sort of perspective.

The hike itself was, round trip, eight miles.

And the strangest thing happened...we had awful weather for the climb.

You name it, horrific wind, freezing (literally) temperatures, rain, icy rocks, fog, even hail. For the majority of the hike, the mountain ahead of us was shrouded with fog. Near the top, I was blown backwards off one rock.

On many trails, the way is marked by piles of rocks, called cairns. We were literally unable to see past the cairns. We weren't sure if we were on the trail or not for most of the final assent.

What I learned from this experience...once you have set the goal, focus on your next step. Make sure you're stepping in a sure-footed way, but take your next step.

If I had been able to see the summit, I'm not sure I would have attempted it that day. The conditions were more than adverse. But I didn't keep looking. I kept moving toward the goal. (Keep in mind, I'm not advocating doing things that are stupid or life-risking. I am advocating taking smart, considered risks, but moving forward toward your goals.) Sometimes, by focusing on small steps, rather than the end result, we can achieve even greater things.

Here's to you reaching your summits!

Menage-Playing the Game

Well, Desiree and I were surfing the 'Net the other night and it's amazing wehat you can find ut there. I was helping Des with research on her newest novella, looking for more info on menage a trois, and can you believe this? There is a game called Menage!!! Of course, Des immediately grabbed it for her WIP, Intermission, but I thought I'd tell you a ltitle bit about it today. It seems there is a game for everything.

Explore Your Passion with "Menage - The Game""Menage - The Game" is a one of a kind board game designed as an Icebreaker for adult house parties and gatherings. "Menage" can be enjoyed by any adult group interested in promoting a relaxed, erotic party atmosphere and spicing up an otherwise "vanilla" or tame gathering.
"Menage" allows the participants to decide at the beginning of the game just how exciting and physically interactive the game will be allowed to get and what activities are acceptable to the entire group. Playing "Menage" will lead the entire group into a variety of adult activities including drinking, stripping and various erotic situations. The “Mild to Wild” flexibility means that it can satisfy the needs of a variety of adult occasions and party environments.
Like most games, "Menage" has instructions. If you want to actually read them, GREAT. However, if you are like most of us, you just want to pop open the box and start playing.If that is the case, here is the 'quick and dirty' on how to get started:1) Everyone choose a game piece (pawn) and a numbered chip which you will keep throughout the game.2) When it's your turn you roll the two dice (one regular and one 12 sided). The regular die is how many spaces you move, the 12 sided die is who you 'interact' with (the "selected player").3) Move you game piece and do what the space says to do with the selected player. 4) If you land on "Roll the Dice" then you roll the "Party Dice" and do what they say with the selected player.By the end of the game, everyone will probably be naked, relaxed, and having a great time. If not, then change the rules!!!!
Shown below are some of the fun activities that you can expect to perform when playing "Menage".
1. You and your partner kis the selected couple.
2. All players remove one article of clothing
3. Uncover your breasts, i.e., remove all articles of clothing that cover your breasts (or chest for men)
4. Kiss the players of the opposite sex on each side of you (or those closest to you) then go to #6 and perform the action
5. Perform ANY action your partner describes for 30 seconds with the selected player
6. Roll the "Party Dice". You and your partner perform the action on the selected couple for 30 seconds
7. Remove all of your clothing except your panties/briefs and kiss each player of the opposite sex for 15 second each, starting and ending with your partner
8. Tell everyone in the group one of your favorite EROTIC fantasies (30 seconds max)

To find out the rest of them I guess you'll either have to buy the game or let your immagination run wild!!!

HAVE FUN - PLAY SAFE


Want to buy the game? Check out this link:
http://passiongrotto.com/Menage.html

Amd come visit me at http://www.desireeholt.com/ or www.myspace.com./judithdesiree

Celebrate Your Independence!

On this side of the pond, we celebrate the Fourth of July, otherwise known as Independence Day.

It's a day rich in tradition, with barbecues, picnics, watermelon, homemade ice cream, family, friends, and firework displays.

But we can make this day into our own special celebration of independence. And you get to define independence anyway you want to.

I'm celebrating my independence from lethargy by climbing a 13-er (a mountain that's over 13,000 feet tall. Mount Audubon, in the Indian Peaks Wilderness area.) And next week, I'll continue the celebration by climbing a 14-er, Mount Bierstadt.

One of my friends is celebrating her indepenence from that extra five pounds she's been lugging around.

Another is celebrating her independence from too much debt.

Another is celebrating her freedom from the 9-5 grind. She's now working for herself. It's a struggle, but she says she's never been happier.

Many of us Western women celebrate our independence, literally. I was on a writing retreat with a dozen talented female writers. One night, we all climbed into the outdoor hot tub, beneath a canopy of stars. From our vantage in the Colorado mountains, we could see the Milky Way. And our conversation drifted to the fact that in parts of the world we would not have the freedom to gather sans men. In certain places, we would not be able to spend a couple of days away from home, frolicking in our bathing suits, getting massages, and talking the night away.

So...what do you want to be independent from? How do you want to live your life? What does freedom mean to you? (Even if you're in Europe or half the world away in Australia, or celebrating Canada Day, how can you make this holiday yours?)

Cheering for you...

Love, Sierra