For a while now, I’ve tried to analyze why all of this bothers me. I think I’ve figured it out. If portrayed correctly, sex – even rough sex – represents an act of love. When we engage in sex we seek personal fulfillment, but most people also seek the fulfillment of his or her partner. At its best, sex is truly making love – a physical manifestation of love. Why then, are so many people embarrassed or even offended by any reference to this act? Even today, many people will not openly discuss sex in mixed company.
Carrying this idea further, many of these same people don’t blink an eye at reading a murder mystery. I once had a professor in college who wouldn’t dream of “wasting her time” reading a romance novel, but would spend hours pouring over vicious, blood thirsty murder mysteries. My own husband enjoys watching a series which portrays a serial killer as a good guy, but will leave the room, tease, or roll his eyes if I watch a “happy ending” movie. Maybe I’m just biased (a close family member of mine was viciously murdered in 1988) but I find such glorification of violence and sensationalizing of terror, grief and despair far more offensive than a reference to an orgasm. To be fair, I should mention that so far I’ve written for the BDSM genre’. However, BDSM isn’t about violence. In truth, the submissive holds the power. Okay, he or she is the one tied up and spanked, but the sub also holds the safe word, and by the utterance of that one word, can end any encounter. Further, a true Dominant holds his submissive in high esteem. He or she cares for and respects the submissive at the least and loves him or her at the best. Following this course, there are no victims in BDSM, only willing participants fulfilling unique and individual needs.
Speaking of needs, if one looks at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (I probably should use a citation here, but this was drilled into my head so much when I was in education classes, that I know it by heart!) the need for love ranks third for humans to feel fulfilled. Only the needs for basic physiological necessities (food, shelter, etc) and safety outrank the need for love and affection. The need for violence? I’m just not aware of that one in any psychological school of thought.
There’s also a new phenomena/trend which I’ve heard of, but is now beginning to affect me personally. MILF. That’s right – Mom’s I’d Like to Fuck. (There’s also a GILF which freaked me out for a while, but then I read somewhere that the average age for a new grandmother in
So, after all of this babbling what’s my point? Actually, I’m not sure I have a point, just an observation. But here’s something to think about. In our society, roughly one in every seven women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime – one in 12 more than once. (Please note that assault is NOT sex. Rapists are interested in power, not sexual fulfillment.) The crime rate is rising. The divorce rate is rising. More and more teens are engaging in self destructive behavior. Yet, as a society, we still seek out the violent, depraved side of life. Maybe it’s time to glorify understanding, love – physical and emotional, acceptance and kindness. Just an idea.Marie Haynes