This site contains adult content. By visiting and viewing the content of this site you confirm that you are aged 18 or above.


Post # 99

That's RIGHT - tomorrow's post will be TEB's #100, unless I sneak in here and post twice, just to mess ya'll up. (I wouldn't take that from you, Marie Haynes - I'm just messin' with ya - what I'm actually doing is setting this up so that you can toss confetti and have a real party.)

What I have for today is a short tale about two very different cousins.

Me: So you’re taking a cruise? That’s great! *grumbling under my breath* Just what she needs, another trip to the Caribbean.

Cousin: What are you doing next month?

Me: *perking up* She’s asking ME to join her? NOTHING! Why? *smiling to self*

Cousin: Oh, fabulous, because we need someone to watch the house that week and look after the dogs. I’m so glad at least one of us doesn’t work. You don’t know how lucky you are not to have a real job.

Me: *sputtering* Oh, gee. I just remembered—I’m having my twat tweezed.

Cousin: Excuse me?

Me: I said sorry, that I just sneezed—had to cover my mouth. Whore. I got your real job right here.

Cousin: What were you saying you remembered?

Me: I have a minor surgery coming up. Yeah, I’m having my head removed from my ass for not seeing that one coming. Nothing big, but can’t talk about it just yet, but…doctor says I’ll need a few weeks to recover.

Cousin: (pouting) You were busy last time we cruised. What was it you were doing?

Me: Writing, sweetie. The two books that came out in January, remember?

Who's Your Daddy: January 2008
Spies, Lies, & Duct Tape: January 2008

Cousin: Ooooh, yes. The pornography. What are you working on now?

Me: *seething* Oh, more of the same, you know? The kind where I put bitchy relatives in there, give them all some horrid, disfiguring disease, and tell the porno world all their dirty little home secrets.

(I can hear her blinking as the brain cells grind to a halt.)

Cousin: What do you have coming out this month?

Me: A book about a Greek god.

Cousin: (brightening) Great! Something the family can actually read!

Me: Not exactly.

Cousin: You wrote smut about a Greek god???

Hit and Miss: March 24, 2008

Me: Greeks got a lot of nooky, girl. You’d be amazed—some of them even screwed members of the same sex. But I didn’t write this one alone. My friend Alex and I wrote it together.

(Now she sounds fearful.)

Cousin: What are you writing about next?

Kinky Kruising-Mistress Mine: April 21, 2008
Kinky Kruising-The Big O: May 26, 2008
Pandemonium: June 9, 2008

Me: Oh, a couple of books about kinky people cruising the Caribbean and another about a different Greek God.

Cousin: Does your mother know about the shit you write?

Me: *smiling* Where do you think I get a lot of my ideas?


Sam said...

Oh, you mean house sitting and looking after dogs isn't your thing? (blinks innocently)
Yes, I get some of that too, luckily I'm thick-skinned and tend to be oblivious to remarks about not working. As a housewife and mother of three (and author and free lance illustrator), I consider my job full time, never done, underpaid, overworked, and I'm quite happy, thank you!

Lisabet Sarai said...


Everyone needs a relative like that. To show you how lucky you really are.

Thanks for the laugh, Lyn.

Carol Lynne said...

LOL, Lyn.

My mom and sisters are very supportive of my writing, but that doesn't mean I'm not always the girl-on-call. I get to wait for plumbers, electricians, cable guys, you name it. I've seen more cracks than a sizemologist.

Dakota Rebel said...

I think I might have a little crush on you now. LOL. That was great.


Lyn Cash said...

hehehe - Thanks, ladies! *groan* Family.

Bronwyn's Blog said... your cousin is my step-mother, then??

Alexis Fleming said...

ROFL Great post, my friend. Even funnier because I know it's true. As I said earlier, a great way to start the day. Laughing with Lyn. Hey, now there's a tag line.


Lyn Cash said...

Who knew, Bronwyn? *blink* LOL

*waves at Alex* gawd - ya gotta laugh, right?

Ashley Ladd said...

LOLOLOL. That is frickin; hilarious. Love it.

I'm pretty lucky that my dad's okay with my writing. Then of course, I found his stash of kinky books when I was a kid, not that he knows I found them - I don't think...

I wouldn't dare tell my aunt and cousins or most of the people I work with. Guess I'm not as brave as you. But I can imagine the conversation would work similarly.

My kids and d-i-l know of course. I always threaten my kids that anything they do or say is story fodder - and sometimes, it really is. :)

Ashley Ladd said...

Oh! To respond to the other part of your point, when I wasn't working a full-time day job, the people at church always thought I should be at their beck and call - babysitting, working at the food storage house, etc. They didn't think writing or even full-time college meant I was truly busy. Grrrrrr. Why do people think anyone else should be at their beck and call?

Lyn Cash said...

Dunno, Ashley, but I've never been a good beck & call girl - ever.

Ya'll are good for my soul today. All of you. Thanks for stopping by!

Tooooo funny - finding your dad's kinky stash - AAAAAAHAHAHAHA.

Jamie Hill said...

This was hilarious, Lyn. I gave my mom a signed copy of the first romance I had in print (not erotic, even) and she keeps it on her bookshelf with the spine to the back, so no one asks about it. She's so proud of me! LOL

We don't even begin to acknowledge the erotica. We just do not go there. *sigh*

Oh, and I've worked from my home for 18 years, and people always think because I'm home I can do this or that for them. NOT!

I don't do beck and call very well, either.

Thanks for the great post!


Lyn Cash said...

she keeps it on her bookshelf with the spine to the back

OMG - howling here - are you serious? - hehehe

Well, at least your mom keeps it on the shelf. I shudder to think where some of my books are at my family's abodes. I know my sister-in-law loans my books out, so she's at least not ashamed to say a family member wrote them. Hmm. Or maybe they're just making fun of me.

Nah, in all seriousness, my parents even go out and by the confession magazines that have my stories in them. *grin* Part of me thinks it's so they can see if I've told any more family secrets.