This site contains adult content. By visiting and viewing the content of this site you confirm that you are aged 18 or above.

21.4.08

Mirror, Mirror.

We’re all very complex individuals, all different yet all incredibly similar.
I have found out just how similar we can be over the last few days.

As many of us do, I frequent an Internet forum and have made many a good friend there. The other day a thread was created about curves, a space specifically for curvy ladies to congregate in fact and I was right there. I’m curvy, abundantly so. Some of my curves I love and adore and others I’m less enamoured with. I am cuddly, rubenesque, plush, voluptuous and on my less confident days I’m just plain fat.

I try to be positive about everything, I’m your typical optimist. I write erotic romances that revolve around hot, curvy women and I am very pro-curves. I am also an exhibitionist so showing off my curves was not a problem. I shared some photos, got some compliments and I gave just as many out. It’s a nice place, full of supportive people giving a great big “hurrah” for curves. It was freeing to post there, to not have a single negative comment thrown about and so I posted a photo I was less than confident about.

Now, I’m not proud of what came next, but I have learnt a lot from it. I posted at a time of day when not many people were about and I waited and waited and waited for a positive comment and it didn’t come. So I removed my photo and sulked. Someone had seen it though, and asked why I’d removed it. I felt thoroughly miserable and explained about the hang-ups I have and how the silence had felt oppressive. I had to remove that photo again, I began to think it really was as ugly as I first suspected.

And do you know what? Even though I felt I was being petty and spoiling such a supportive place, I wasn’t. People understood, really understood. Women I think of as gorgeous admitted to having the same hang ups about themselves.

It was eye opening, it really was. I found so much support there, where I worried that people would think of me as vain and impatient they all just recognised my weakness as something they suffered form themselves.

So although it was horrid at the time, heartbreaking almost, in the long run it has been a wonderfully positive experience.

And so, knowing I needed to fill in a gap in the blog today, I decided to write this on self image, wanting to share with you all the vulnerability and insecurities of a curvy woman.

I want people to know that when they look in the mirror and all they see is imperfection or they look at photos and can only find fault, they are not the only ones that do it, we all do to some extent or another. However, just because you see something as an imperfection it does not mean that everyone else does.

Those freckles you hate are the envy of someone, that red, curly hair you’re cursed with is longed for by someone else and the rounded stomach and curvy thighs you despair of are desperately wanted by another. And not only that, but they are unhappy with things in their bodies that you think are beautiful.

So, the next time you’re putting yourself down, stop and remember this blog. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Mirror, Mirror.


We’re all very complex individuals, all different yet all incredibly similar.
I have found out just how similar we can be over the last few days.

As many of us do, I frequent an Internet forum and have made many a good friend there. The other day a thread was created about curves, a space specifically for curvy ladies to congregate in fact and I was right there. I’m curvy, abundantly so. Some of my curves I love and adore and others I’m less enamoured with. I am cuddly, rubenesque, plush, voluptuous and on my less confident days I’m just plain fat.

Now, I try to be positive about everything, I’m your typical optimist. I am also an exhibitionist so showing off my curves was not a problem. I shared some photos, got some compliments and I gave just as many out. It’s a nice place, full of supportive people giving a great big “hurrah” for curves. It was freeing to post there, to not have a single negative comment thrown about and so I posted a photo I was less than confident about.

Now, I’m not proud of what came next, but I have learnt a lot from it. I posted at a time of day when not many people were about and I waited and waited and waited for a positive comment and it didn’t come. So I removed my photo and sulked. Someone had seen it though, and asked why I’d removed it. I felt thoroughly miserable and explained about the hang-ups I have and how the silence had felt oppressive. I had to remove that photo again, I began to think it really was as ugly as I first suspected.

And do you know what? Even though I felt I was being petty and spoiling such a supportive place, I wasn’t. People understood, really understood. Women I think of as gorgeous admitted to having the same hang ups about themselves.

It was eye opening, it really was. I found so much support there, where I worried that people would think of me as vain and impatient they all just recognised my weakness as something they suffered form themselves.

So although it was horrid at the time, heartbreaking almost, in the long run it has been a wonderfully positive experience.

And so, knowing I needed to fill in a gap in the blog today, I decided to write this on self image, wanting to share with you all the vulnerability and insecurities of a curvy woman.

I want people to know that when they look in the mirror and all they see is imperfection or they look at photos and can only find fault, they are not the only ones that do it, we all do to some extent or another. However, just because you see something as an imperfection it does not mean that everyone else does.

Those freckles you hate are the envy of someone, that red, curly hair you’re cursed with is longed for by someone else and the rounded stomach and curvy thighs you despair of are desperately wanted by another. And not only that, but they are unhappy with things in their bodies that you think are beautiful.

So, the next time you’re putting yourself down, stop and remember this blog. You are beautiful just the way you are.

8 comments:

Ellen Ashe/Jade Jurgensen said...

I gave up about ten years ago trying to look like something I wasn't. Or trying to be something I wasn't for that matter. This little pearl of wisdom seems to come with age.
I had an uncle who told me once, "If someone doesn't like what they see the same door that brought them in will take them right back out again!"
That stuck. So true!!

Carol Lynne said...

Great post, Victoria. You are so right about self body image. It doesn't seem to matter what you look like, there are days when you wish you looked like someone else. I'll admit, I've never learned to embrace my own curves. People tell me that sexy comes from within. Huh, maybe we all need to go in search of her. I know I've tried and the sexy Carol was nowhere to be found. I did get up the nerve to flash a little of my more than ample cleavage at RT. Maybe that was the sexy Carol just teasing me. LOL

Brynn Paulin said...

Spectacular post Victoria.

victoriablisse said...

thanks Brynn :)

Carol...I do know what you mean, it can be so difficult to love the curvy bits but you're right, sexy does come from within and i bet lots of folks admire your curves!

ellen/jade *grins*Your Uncle knew what he was on about, there. I can get so caught up in getting validation from others when I should be paying attention to my own opinion, not others.

Celular said...

Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Celular, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://telefone-celular-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.

Ashley Ladd said...

Bravo! We need to love and like ourselves. The outside is only a very small part of who we are.

Lisabet Sarai said...

Thanks for the warm, wise post, Victoria! As someone who nearly died of anorexia in my late teens, I can testify to the dangers of accepting somebody else's notions of how your body should look. I love curvy women. The essence of sexiness is feeling desirable.

victoriablisse said...

Ashley -exactly, there's no shame in self confidence. :)

Lisabet- thank you for your comment, you're very right, I'm glad you enjoyed my post.