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13.4.08

Scattered Thoughts


Blogs. You know I don’t blog very often. Actually this is only the second one I’ve ever attempted. Why? Well, because in my opinion you have two types of blogs. Those that authors write to promote their books or those that are witty, sexy or ranty. Exposing myself to cyberspace is not my idea of a good time. I never know if someone is going to take offense to something I write. To open yourself in a blog, is to open yourself to criticism. It’s the main reason I tend to keep to myself. I became a writer because I love it. The gay erotic romance genre is new to a lot of readers. Some enjoy it, while others would rather stick a fork in their eye than to read it. That’s fine by me. Oh, um, the reading gay romance thing, not the whole fork in the eye thing, because that’s just gross.

Sitting here, in my home, I’m removed from the rest of the world in a way that makes me feel safe. Of course as soon as I write something and it’s out there, it’s no longer in my control. People can misconstrue it, make fun of it, copy it, or love it. I never know.

Being me comes with its own pile of problems. I’m leaving for the big Romantic Times convention on Tuesday, and I’m scared to death. I know I’ll have fun with my friends, but what about everyone else I meet? I think most women worry about the wrong first impression. I have this insane fear of walking away from what I consider a nice conversation and having the other person roll their eyes and think something like. “Jeez, what’s she thinking with that hair?” or “Man, she really needs to get out of Kansas more often,” or my worst fear, “Say it with me, GIRDLE. Look into one.” See? Crazy. I’m batshit crazy when it comes to stuff like that. At the end of the day I just have to remind myself that I’ll probably never be popular, witty or thin. I’m just Carol, take me or leave me.

I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I’m also really worried about leaving my children. Oh, I know they’ll be safe and loved while I’m gone, but it won’t be me giving the goodnight kisses. My children are the most important people in my life. Friday, I had the day from hell. I won’t go into details other than to say divorce lawyers suck donkey balls. Anyway, Friday was really bad. It was 7:30 in the evening and all I wanted to do was go to bed and hide from life. My babies came into the living room, where I was surrounded by stacks and stacks of personal documents and asked me for a hug. A hug. They knew I was stressed, sad and busy. I’m still not sure if they needed the hug or if they knew mommy needed it.

I looked at them, looked down at the pile of papers still waiting to be organized and walked away from the mess. The kids and I all ended up on my bed watching HGTV and having tickle fights. It was the best evening I’ve spent in a very long time.

When it was time for them to go to bed, I thanked them. My oldest looked at me like she didn’t understand. I told them that sometimes life takes over and mommy needs to be reminded what is important. They are important. I thanked them again for loving me and helping me to remember that.

As you can probably tell by now, I’m not an expert blogger. My mind is usually traveling in at least three directions at the same time. I flip from one idea to the other. It’s like that with my writing as well. While I’m writing one book, my mind is usually plotting out the next, not content to think of only one thing at a time.

My grammar sucks, my spelling really, really sucks, and I’ll probably have to have my best friend Brynn Paulin edit this. Yep, it’s sad. I know most bloggers can write these things daily and it looks like they’ve worked on it for days or weeks. Unfortunately, I’m not one of them.

Opening myself to cyberspace is almost as scary as the thought of drinking too much at RT. My lips tend to get a little loose when I indulge. That’s exactly the reason I’m sticking to Dr. Pepper while at the convention.

On to the next topic. See? I told you, my mind can’t stay on one topic for long. I’m currently reading a book, Falling by Cameron Dane. If you’re not one to shy away from M/M books, read it. I’m amazed at this author’s writing style. I just read a jerk off scene that had me holding my breath. If I had a penis, I would use it as a how-to manual. Fantastic! All I can say is Cameron Dane definitely has a new fan. I’ve already purchased ReneCade.

Hmmm… Trying to sum up this blog of random, screwy thoughts, I’ll have to say one more thing: Answer your emails. A huge, huge pet peeve of mine is when someone doesn’t answer reader mail. I’ve always made it a practice to let authors know when I enjoy a particular story. I did it before I became a writer, and I still do it. It amazes me the number of authors who don’t bother to return an email. First of all, they are missing out on the most rewarding marketing tool available. To strike up conversations with people who enjoy your books should never be looked at as a waste of time. Quite often those readers will open up and tell you what they like or don’t like about your books. Engaging in a few emails helps you become a better writer. Use it. After several shared emails, the reader will remember your name, not just the one book they enjoyed. The huge bonus of this, of course, is that you get to cyber-meet a lot of wonderful people. Generally, when I write an author and don’t get a reply, I feel cheated. It’s generally enough to give me second thoughts about purchasing another of their books. It may not be fair but it’s true.


So, have you had enough of Carol’s mad ramblings to last you a year? Hope so, because I have a feeling it might be that long before you hear from me again. At least on a blog…

10 comments:

Brynn Paulin said...

Aw Carol, you blog just fine. I think you share the same fears most of us do. And I can't tell you how often I forget what I'm sayng because my thoughts are racing forward ahead of me.

Thanks for sharing with us today.

Theresa said...

Carol,

I think you did a great job. We all have the same fears about ourselves and our families.
As you know I enjoy your books and my feelings are a love story is a love story, if you don't want to read M/M then don't but please don't put down those who do.

I hope you have a wonderful time at the convention and please keep writing your wonderful stories. By the way people don't for Gio's Dream comes out on April 23 and I can't wait for Rough Ride on the 28th.

mary said...

Carol,

Loved your blog. It is nice to know I am not alone in my fears.
Love the emotional intensity and fast pace of your books. Have a great time at RT. I bet you come back with a bunch of new friends.

Catherine Chernow said...

Hi Carol! LOL - I enjoyed your blog post and I didn't think you were rambling at all.

I'm scared about going to RT, too. I dont' travel well alone, and even though I know I'm meeting lots and lots of wonderful people there, I also wonder about the impression I'll make on them. It's frightening when you leave your comfort zone. But it can also be wonderful. And I hope I get to see you there, too!

Thanks for a terrific blog post and for sharing your thoughts with us.

: )

Catherine Chernow

Carol Lynne said...

Thanks, Everyone! I'm really looking forward to reconnecting with old friends and making new ones.

But be warned. I will be looking for the eye rolls. LOL

Brynn Paulin said...

Darn...

I'll try to rein in my eyerolls. But you know how I am...

Judith Rochelle said...

Great blog, Carol. I think you said it for us all. And elt me tell you, just one person utters the word GIRDLE around me and they are in for some serious pain. I think RT. will be great for all of us going and I can't wait to put faces to names. No eye rolls!!!

Ashley Ladd said...

Carol, you did great. I have those fears, too, and cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Have fun at RT. Sadly, I won't be there this year.

Dragon Lady said...

Personally, I think you did a great job on this blog. It was interesting and informative. I can gurantee you write a much better blog than I have done so far on mine! You are also worrying too much about what other people think needlessly. You probably won't read this until you are home but I am sure you will do fine at RT. And I am very envious because I am unable to go this year. :-(

Jamie Hill said...

I love following your train of thought! *choo!!! choo!!!* LOL

Seriously, a great blog post. Hope you have fun at RT!

Jamie