This site contains adult content. By visiting and viewing the content of this site you confirm that you are aged 18 or above.


Protecting One's ASSets

We've been having horrendous storms in our area, which is no biggie compared to some of the surrounding places that have had F-5 tornadoes lately. Our biggest pain in the butt has been that we can't park the car into the garage, because the garage is too full of crap. It's been 2 years since the move, so you'd think we'd have this sorted by now, but noooo.

Typical Sunny Lyn move...we're all trying to quit smoking, and here this storm is headed our way (as in it has 30 minutes to reach us), and the city has tested its tornado sirens in preparation, the television stations are blaring "how to take cover" - there's probably an "idiots" guide out there somewhere (and if there isn't, there should be...hmm...note to self).

So I get this wild hair up my ass to clean out the garage with a superstorm on the way. I get everything in the bins moved--The Kids (well, one of them) get behind me--and we're so proud of ourselves that we break open the two lone bottles of alcohol we have in the house - an Amber Boch beer and a mojito wine cooler (that is more cooler than wine or mojito). We sneak out the cigarettes we've both been hording and light up. Son catches us smoking and drinking and asks if we've lost our minds - I mean a storm IS approaching, and we're like human lightning rods sitting out front.

I get him to move his truck (Debbie, as in "Debbie Does Dallas") and I rip the keys to the new car (mind you, I haven't DRIVEN since 2001 because of a head injury) out of Girl's hands and approach slowly. Lola (the new car) makes it into the garage...except for her ass. I also can't get out of the damned car for the bins on either side of me.

We're so close...we have 15 minutes before the Boy drops his E*Bay bid for "something of importance" and starts rearranging things. I decide I need more booze and nicotine. Girl joins me, of course. Then she realizes she's out of something with a kick to drink. Son is still in garage rearranging like mad. Women find their money, pool it, and Girl takes off for store.

She's gone too long, we fear. Wind picks up. I have to take cover to smoke (I'm also ducking Son, who won't be too happy if he catches me). Girl gets back with a covertly gained pack of cigarettes and a six-pack of new beer with lime and salt...called Chill.

We get the car into the garage with 1/2" to spare. One problem - 6'6" son can't get his door open.

5 minutes to storm. Large man inside medium-sized car. Car in garage, man doesn't want to ride out the storm in the car. He'd like a meal, a bathroom break, and to finish his bid on E*Bay.

Mom puts on her Wonder Woman costume and starts instructing Boy (Man-Child) how to take car seats down without completely deconstructing car. Pretty sooon the winds pick up, and she has to go sit on porch and have another cigarette while her son's ass is somewhere between the rearview mirror and Lola's axel.

Everyone's curious, even the Boston terrier down the street.

Neighbor Donna comes home, and I lose focus, let go of son's feet and go to neighbor as she approaches. We chat. I'm so glad she made it home from her nighttime job before the storm hits that I forget (well, I do have a buzz-on going by now) that my son is still ass-up in the car in the garage. Donna, Girl, and I smoke - Girl and I sip our Chills. Son is in car wondering WTF. I remember and go to him.

Get Son out of car, get Lola's trunk closed and garage door shut. Rain is pelting everyone. Son realizes everyone else is smoking, but now he has no place TO smoke since his garage now has a car in it. So he fires up and has his chill-out moment as storm breaks.

Moral of the doesn't matter how you cover your ass as long as you cover it and have time to chill out later. Same with a story, if you're a writer. Get it done - change your mind mid-stream if you have to, take a different turn, take time to celebrate the little things in the middle of the hard work, get back on track at the right moment, and celebrate again afterwards. It's just Life, folks. They can't fucking eat ya.

In closing, how about a recipe? Potato Spinach Frittata. Rainy weather actually makes it taste better.

2 tablespoons olive oil
6 small red potatoes, sliced
1 cup torn fresh spinach
2 tablespoons sliced green onions
1 teaspoon crushed garlic
salt and pepper to taste
6 eggs
1/3 cup milk
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese


Heat olive oil in a medium skillet over medium heat. Place potatoes in the skillet, cover, and cook about 10 min, until tender but firm. Mix in spinach, green onions, and garlic. Season with salt and pepper.

Continue cooking 1 to 2 minutes, until spinach is wilted.

In a medium bowl, beat together eggs and milk. Pour into the skillet over the vegetables. Sprinkle with cheddar cheese. Reduce heat to low, cover, and cook 5 to 7 minutes, or until eggs are firm

* * *
I like serving frittatas with sliced tomatoes, but fruit with a cream cheese fruit dip works for those with a craving for sweets. Your choice of sliced fruit dipped in this...
* * *
Mix an 8 ounce package of cream cheese with 1 egg and 1/3 cup of sugar.
* * *
post script...have you seen this (speaking of Wonder Woman earlier)???


Sam said...

Frittata is my husband's favorite meal. I think that those chili beers would be my new favorite drink (after frozen margharitas, of course)!
Hubby is trying to stop smoking after his operation. So far he's not smoked for a month.
He's in a really bad mood all the time, lol.

Lyn Cash said...

I love meatless meals like the frittatas - and that beer was really good. Lime + salty taste.

I don't know why we get in such foul moods when we break a bad habit, and that's all it is for some of us. With others, though, that nicotine is a powerful draw, no pun intended. :/

Thanks for stopping by, Sam!

Dakota Rebel said...

Lyn Cash, you are the coolest woman ever. It is like we were meant to be friends. Except that you are trying to quit smoking. I mean good for you, I wish you all the luck in the world. But I am a happy addict to that little vice.

That is the funniest freakin' story I have heard in a long time.

I am glad everyone is okay, those storms were brutal.

Hugs, Cheers, and Chills!