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4.10.08

Sex and Football


I have two great passions in my life-sex and football. When August rolls around each year, my eyes glaze over and my wonderful hubby takes in the television schedule with a wistful look. From Thursday night to Tuesday morning, the television is my lover. Fourteen hours a day my total focus is on twenty two sweaty male bodies clashing on the field.
“What about my sweaty body?” he asks over and over again. “I can toss you on a field on your back and you’ll never miss the game.”
But my hormones just seem to follow a misdirected path, drooling for the clash of bodies, and none of them is mine.
Something, he said firmly, tired of waiting his turn for four days, had to give. No question about it.
So.
Like good negotiators, we sat down and drew up a set of rules, which seem to work for us. At least so far. And many of them allow me to purse my two favorite passions at the same time.
Rule One: Bank sex points before Thursday night. However you choose. Roll dice. Swap chores. Whatever. If he gets the most points, he can trade them in at an appropriate break in the schedule.
Rule Two: Recliner sex is acceptable for lower tier games but not for major ones. And definitely not when my alma mater, the University of Michigan, is playing.
Rule Three: Half time. There’s a reason for it. Use it, but plan carefully. Remember, it’s only fifteen minutes so you better be ready to go.
Rule Four: If my team is winning by a wide margin I can call a time out and choose the sex act of my choice.
Rule Five: If his team is winning, he gets the action of his choice even while the game is going on. Ever try cheering for a touchdown when you’re…well, you get the idea.
Then, of course, there might be a break when none of the teams playing demand your full attention. I have the wine chilled, the strawberries dipped in chocolate, the volume on the television turned down but I always place myself in position to see the picture. If things take a sudden exciting turn, it’s possible to get stuck in the same position for five or ten minutes, so you want to chart that out ahead of time.
The ultimate, of course, is to reach orgasm at the moment your team scores the winning touchdown. Then the neighbors don’t wonder what you’re screaming about.
We’re trying this new program this season, and so far it’s working for us. I get to watch television and the poor hubby doesn’t whine for three days.
Do you have a favorite sport? Does it hamper your sex life? Leave me a comment and tell me about it.

And in between football games, check out my latest Desiree Holt from Total-e-bound, SUMMER SPICE. Summer may be over but the spice definitely lingers.

And visit Desiree at http://www.desireeeholt.com/

7 comments:

Kelley Nyrae said...

LOL. I like basketball but not so much that it would mess up the sex life...we have kids for that, LOL. Love your rules.

Emma Sanders said...

LOL, good rules. I'm not a huge football fan. I may keep up with what's going on but I don't watch it. Sex, however, is another story. :)

Saroya said...

I never thought of football as sexual. I will be looking at it with a whole new light.

Ashlyn Chase said...

Oh, sweetie, You said the magic words. Sex and football. I love them too--but I limit my whole-game watching to the NFL...specifically my Patriots. Oh yes, they're all mine! LOL. Highlights fill in the more dramtic clashes on the field and I still have hours for my other two favorite activities. Writing and sex!

Toni Anderson said...

LOL--I'm hiding this from my DH!!!

Ashley Ladd said...

I'm a baseball fan, although hubby likes football and baseball. I could never see the allure in football, but your way sounds a lot better.

Lisabet Sarai said...

Well, they do say that sex begins in the mind. I'm afraid that I can't see anything at all enticing about football -- but different strokes for different folks! Plus any pastime shared with your lover is bound to acquire some sensual overtones!

It does sound as though you enjoy yourselves!