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23.10.08

Top Ten Reasons why Trick or Treating is Better than Sex


It's almost Halloween and I couldn't resist one more top ten list. Of course, I can't forget that I have a fantastic new release this month with co-author Jude Mason called Feral Heat, a paranormal, changeling, m/m/f extravaganza, so be sure and check it out here!


Business out of the way, on to this lists!


Top Ten Reasons why Trick or Treating is Better than Sex


10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.



I found this yesterday on a Yahoo blog and it was so funny I had to share it. Erin Zimmer put together this list of our top 10 Halloween treats that nobody wants... (She wrote the commentary,I just laughed!)


Toothbrushes

Dentists and orthodontists should not be allowed to celebrate Halloween if they're going to get all tooth doctory on us.


Raisins

Little boxes of stuck-together shriveled globs are not what little kids schlep around the neighborhood for all night.


Candy Corn

The most polarizing candy of all. The fruitcake of Halloween; it just never goes away. If you love them, fine. But don't subject the rest of us haters to the sickeningly sweet triangle that tastes like neither candy nor corn.


Smarties and Necco Wafers

These chalky candies are supposedly "fruit-flavored," but no fruit I know tastes like dust -- and makes everything eaten after taste like dust, too.




Dum Dum Lollipops

Usually, foods on a stick are yummy (corn dogs, ice pops), but Dum Dums just can't be included on that list. Not even if they were breaded and deep-fried and served at a fair.


Apples

Long before "poisoned candy" scares, evil people were handing out apples instead of candy on Halloween. This disappointing "treat" is the main reason to avoid unwrapped food while trick-or-treating.


Tootsie Rolls

It looks like chocolate and sort of smells like chocolate, but the mini brown tubes are not real chocolate. They taste like watered-down chocolate, and have a chewy texture that will strip the fillings right off your molars.


Miscellaneous, Wrapped Hard Candies

Halloween is supposed to be a holiday for young people, not senior citizens who suck on hard candies all day.


Laffy Taffy

I do not laffy when I get these. I sobby. I get depressedy. Because it gets all stucky to my teethy and doesn't even taste that goody.

.


Anything Fun-Sized

Who started calling it this? Since when is one bite fun?! Give us the rich houses with the sprawling driveways and full-sized candy bars any day. Portion control doesn't need to start this young.




















Happy Halloween everyone!!!

7 comments:

Judith Rochelle said...

Jamie, I laughed so hard tears rolled down my cheeks and almost fell off my desk chair. this is too hysterical!!! I have to send the link to everyone I know. How clever.

dbrown3400 said...

Jamie, don't make me spew coffee on my keyboard again! Those are too funny. Are they all on your payroll or do you just hire them for special events? Have a Happy Halloween!

Jude Mason said...

Okay, picking myself up off the floor. This is hilarious. Jamie, you know the sad part, scroll up and check out that lil puppies bum, you know the one where he/she is laying on its tummy. Now, that bum is what I wish mine looked like... sans fur of course. LOL

Great post, Jamie. Happy Halloween!!

Marie Harte said...

These were so funny! I have to admit, my favorite was the dog with the thong. That is just so wrong, on so many levels. A great Halloween fright. hahahaah

Marie

Bobbie said...

Tooooo funny! You always come up with the great blog spots. Congrats too on your new release.
I loved the top ten candy vs. sex list, but you forgot one. Candy is better than sex because it lasts longer!

Ashley Ladd said...

LOLOLOL. Love the doggies in costume.

Jamie Hill said...

Thanks for stopping by and commenting, everyone! The photos came to me in one of those annoying email forwards. It really pisses me off when somebody sends me a good one because I can't forward it, since I rag on everyone else who forwards email...LOL

Happy Halloween!

~ Jamie