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A little personal, but a question: Fantasy Vs. Fear

Fantasy VS. Fear!
By Sascha Illyvich

Warning: A bit personal information coming up! But this is Hitting the Hot Spot, where fantasies can become written word! So tell me readers, do you have any sexual fantasies you’re afraid of? I mean not fearing in such a manner as to suggest you’d die. But fantasies that define that hidden part of you that you refuse to acknowledge even in your stories?

I’ll share one of mine to give you an example and then we’ll analyze that fear. The fantasy is simple. I want to be dressed fully as a woman and then surrounded by a number of men who would jack off on me or in me, and the last two who came could pull down my panties and fuck me or let me blow them.

The fantasy could get wilder or milder depending on how fast “I” get off. Or how much more fun I’d like to have.

The problem/fear with this is pretty interesting. First off, I can’t really discuss this with too many of my friends, and don’t even THINK about telling the Girlfriend. Both Dommes see this as hot btw.

Next up is my fear of a repeat performance with anal sex. The first and only time I’ve been penetrated just…well let’s say I got off and that guy still buys me dinner occasionally. But it was less than perfect minus my orgasm.

Then there’s the entire issue with me cross dressing. Oh, I don’t have a problem. Most of the people I deal with who know I write, know I’m kinky. Some are okay, some are jealous (I look DAMN good in garter/thigh highs and other assorted lingerie!) But the men in question who would want to play with me- well experience has taught me that they either want to kiss and cuddle, which I’m not fond of. Or they want to treat me like rough trade --which I don’t do because to me that implies I’m not in control. Yet, I want to be a total slut in this manner too. So what the hell am I to do?

I’m pretty strong but if I had seven or eight guys and didn’t have the proper judgment in who came over, well it could be a blood bath and huge mess.

Or am I overreacting? One solution I came up with was to have one of my dear friends be “security” for this party/orgy because she’s got a bigger knife collection than I do and isn’t afraid of anything. Another of course would involve my Dommes and their supervision. But the panic would still set in to some degree until perhaps lust overrode it. That’s my hopeful anyway.

So how about you? Do you have any fantasies that you’re deathly afraid of but want so bad that sometimes you masturbate just thinking about that one thing alone?


Lisabet Sarai said...

Wow, Sascha,

You certainly aren't shy about letting it all hang out! I admire you.

I have a lot of fantasies that get me off, but that I probably wouldn't enjoy in reality. Mostly they involve things too extreme and kinky to write about for Total-E-Bound... in fact, I've been asked to cut them out, on occasion!

The temptation to actually try them out is strong, though. I think the key to getting beyond the fear is to attempt such things with people whom you know and trust. Having your Dommes in the picture might well help. But there is that paradox -- if familiar, loving faces are around, the fantasy might not be as hot.

Wild post!


hollie said...

Fantasies are good but fear would add spice if it's done properly. Have fun sweetie but my question would be what would you want to do next?????


Marie Haynes said...

I think this is all normal - in a kinky kind of way. I also have fantasies that, if a reality, would not only loose their appeal, but possibly endanger my well being.The key word is fantasy. I also agree with Lisabet - I admire you. This was a brave post.