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A Perfect Dominant

Honestly, is there such a thing as a perfect Dominant? No more than there exists such a thing as a perfect submissive, a perfect man, a perfect woman. But part of life is seeking perfection or seeking to perfect. Recently, I attended Beat Me in St. Louis and learned all kinds of new and interesting things. One thing I took away from that enticing conference was what, in my opinion, it takes to become a perfect Dom.
(DISCLAIMER: I fully realize that all Dom are NOT male, nor are all subs female, but in the interest of the flow of words, I will stick with the “he” pronoun for Dom and the “she” for Sub.)

Strong – Duh! Of course a Dom needs to be strong, but I don’t mean just animal, brute strength – although that is nice as well – but strength of mind and spirit, a commanding presence. A Dom should be strong enough to admit a mistake, to ask forgiveness, to seek advice if needed.

Intelligent – Again, a personal preference, but a Dom should be smart enough to know when a scene is dangerous or just plain stupid. For me, intelligence is the biggest turn on there is.

Observant – Often, a submissive is unable to see (blindfold, sub-space, eyes lowered). The Dom must be his/her eyes. He/She must be able to notice when a sub has been pushed to the limit, to notice a loose knot in a rope, a jagged piece of wood on a frame, a sharp piece of exposed metal.
Firm – A rule is a rule. If a Dom sets a rule in place, enforce it.

Realistic – The above statement notwithstanding, a Dom needs to realize that circumstances, moods, likes, dislikes, physical characteristics all change – for both the Dom and the sub. Change with it. For those who live the lifestyle 24/7 – fabulous. For those who “play” – fabulous. But in both lifestyles, a Dom should have realistic expectations of both himself and his sub.
Gentle – Nothing will bring me to my knees – figuratively and literally, like a gentle Dom. A firm spank combined with a soft word; a gentle touch on a breast mixed with pulled hair and a bruising kiss.

Compassion – Care, truly care about your sub. Care about her emotions, her body, her hair, her fears, her love. Forgive mistakes and dwell on successes. Place her on a pedestal; show your gratitude in her trust of you. Her devotion, her aching need to serve and please you is a reflection of your treatment of her.

Humour – Have a healthy sense of humour. Laugh at life, yourself, sex, your sub. Laugh during sex, after it, before it. If something goes wrong, don’t get angry, see the humour in the situation and move on.

Life is hard and often filled with sadness and grief beyond our control. You are the Dom. Control what you can with graciousness, strength, and love.
(Now for the apology. I've been seriously overworked lately with 2 jobs, kids, elderly, etc., etc., so I actually posted this on my blog about a week or so ago. If this offends anyone, I apologize. But I would rather repeat an entry than go without one. Hope you enjoy.)


Lisabet Sarai said...

Hello, Marie,

I really like your list. Especially "intelligent" and "gentle". But let me add another attribute of the perfect Dom: imaginative. The most intriguing dominants are always thinking of new twists, new ways to challenge and excite the submissive.

Great post!


Sascha Illyvich - The Dark Wolf Prince said...

A Dominant needs to be strong at all times and strong enough to know when it's okay to let go too. This is a hard lesson, but one worth mentioning.

I have to trust my Alpha Submissive and I do. I don't always like it, but sometimes letting my ego disappear is for the best.

Good post.