I didn't write these, but I did chuckle at them. Thought we could use a smile for the day. Have a good one! ~ Jenna
1. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
2. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
3. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
4. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
5. I'm not a complete idiot -- some parts are just missing.
6. Some gene pools could use a little chlorine.
7. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
8. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
9. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
10. Procrastinate Now!
11. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
12. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
13. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
14. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
15. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
16. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
17. Ham and eggs, a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
18. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
19. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
20. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.