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13.4.10

Heather Does Scotland

I just got back from my life-long dream vacation to Scotland (the old ancestral homeland, as it were). And it was amazing. Of course, between all the castle-exploring and rain-dodging and mountain-hiking and sheep-worrying, my husband and I also tried, with great vigor and to the best of our ability, to get pregnant. It's still too early to see if it worked, but lots of joking was had about where, exactly, we should do the deed. After all, if our sprogling ever writes her memoir, a really great way to begin it would be, "I was conceived in the ruins of the forge at Dunnotar Castle in Scotland, a cold crucible from which something something metaphor something insert Nobel Prize-winning literature here."

No spot was safe from our carnal speculation, although much of the time it was extremely cold and wet and the discussion turned to how, if we did do it in, say, the Duke of Albany's personal chambers, one of us would end up conceiving pneumonia instead of babby. Scotland is also full of tourists, so even if the shrinkage problem could have been satisfactorily overcome, the likelihood of being discovered and subsequently arrested was great. Perhaps our greatest chance was at the tower of St. Andrew's Cathedral, since you had to pay extra and climb a bazillion stairs to get to the top.

St. Rule's tower at St. Andrews, 100ft high. Screw With A View.

Still, all this talk of where we should bang got me to thinking about other interesting places to do the deed. In the coat closet of the church at your best friend's wedding. The locker room of your gym (cough, cough). The back seat of your mom's station wagon. On a boat. In a cave. Under a waterfall. The airplane bathroom. On your boss's desk. The possibilities are really endless; as long as two people can fit into a space, there will be sex in weird places (and I'll probably write about it--two of those locations are probably going to show up in my next sub to TEB). 

This is all leading up to a question, of course, so I'll answer it before I even ask, just to break the ice. I think the oddest place I've ever done the deed was in one of the men's rooms at the Pittsburgh airport. I was young, my boyfriend and I had been apart for quite a while, and this was before airport security got all crazy. It was incredibly hot, if very hurried. So, gentle reader, for a chance to win my last TEB release, Barbells At Christmas, tell me the wildest place you've ever made the beast with two backs. On Friday I'll pick a random reply to win, so be sure to leave your email!

Heather Howard


1 comment:

Genella deGrey said...

Well, my 5 year-old was conceived in Tombstone, AZ at a B & B.
I know that's not really all that wild, unless you consider its wild west roots.
:)
G.