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Christmas is coming!

To everyone who celebrates Christmas, I wish you and your families the most amazing and thoughtful holiday ever. To those who enjoy another form of celebration, I wish you all the very best. To those who don't celebrate this time of year in any way, I wish you good health and a happy 2012.

I was going to dig deep and come up with something Christmassy, but unfortunately, muse has been silent for a while, so I've decided to bring you some holiday funnies instead. I do hope you enjoy.

Here's my personal favorite!

And now for a little poem that might fit our readership better than the original.

Twas the Week Before Christmas
Author: Unkown

Twas the week before Christmas,
and Santa was stressed.   
So he sparked up a doobie,   
and tried to get messed.

As he toked on his blunt,
and let the high set in.
In walked head elf,
Edgar Delwin.

We got a small problem,
Edgar said with a moan.
We're out of supplies,    
and our budget is blown!  

We're all out of money,
he said with a jeer.
We blew it on,
pot, cheap women and beer.

If we're gonna save Christmas,
we're gonna need cash.
We promise we won't spend it,
on Vodka or hash!

We need to buy supplies,
to finish the gifts.
We'll work day and night,
in 12 hour shifts!!

I don't have a dime,
Santa said with a shout!
When I divorced Mrs.Claus,
the bitch cleaned me out!

So they were all out of money,
and short on time.
But to have no Christmas presents,   
would be a crime!!   

I will save Christmas!!
There's always a way.
Said Santa aloud,   
as he jumped on his sleigh.  

And with that he was gone,
vanished into the sky.
Edgar turned to his mate,
and said, "Let's go get high"  

To make some fast money,
Santa knew he had the answer...     

Just shake a little ass,   

So that's how Santa saved Christmas,
but please keep tight lipped.
'Cause the IRS doesn't need to know,
how much he made while he stripped.  

1 comment:

Lisabet Sarai said...

Tee hee! Gave ME some Christmas smiles!

Happy holidays, Jude!