Writing about sex means using words that are about sex. They might be in your face words, or hidden-but-we-grown-ups-know-what’s-being-said words, but one way or the other we need to describe it all.
I can’t help but notice both writers and reader have strong opinions about what’s sexy, and surprisingly often that stories containing sex should preferably be erotic. (No, I didn’t actually count, this is just my very personal impression)
But, honestly, why?
There are words I bet very few of us find positively exciting, but is that a reason to never ever use them in our writing? What if a character is the kind of person that actually would use that sort of language? Simply because it’s part of his social class or her upbringing? Or simply because it’s someone with a very bad taste in humour? Shouldn’t the integrity of the story prevail above what we hope makes the reader hot and bothered? Or our personal taste and hang-ups?
Of course, writing about sex doesn’t always mean writing about things we consider erotic. Often enough sex is simply part of what a character thinks or says or does. Describing sex can be used to show so much more than simply what gets a character -and the reader- off.
And if I as a writer have to, from time to time, use words that are probably in one of the many lists that say ‘never use the following words, for all that is good and precious’ then so be it. I’ll never scrape even a single word from my dictionary. Who knows, one day I might need it.