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We'd Rather Read About Sex Than Have It??

Last week, while listening to satellite radio, I heard a startling statistic: more than forty percent of women would rather read about sex than actually participate in it!

The discussion was, naturally, about the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.

So is it true…? Are women reading the books but not having sex afterward?

If not, why not?

If the statistic is true, I have a few theories.

First, we’re tired!

Many of us work full-time. Many of us take care of the home and family. It’s exhausting to add sex goddess to the list after drying the last dish. (Never mind kinky sex goddess!)  Some nights, when I get to bed, I’m so tired I barely remember falling asleep. I’m not always thinking about reaching for the handcuffs. Some of us read for a few minutes before bed in order to relax enough to fall asleep. (And what interesting dreams after paging through Fifty Shades of Grey, or your favorite erotic romance title!)

Second, it can be difficult for us to ask for what we want.

Okay, so maybe tonight I won’t be too tired to reach for the handcuffs, but actually asking a lover to tie you up or spank you might be asking too much. In that case, reading offers our mind a chance to explore and play safely.

I’ve heard, and I believe, the woman’s sex organ is located between her ears. Yep, the brain. Once our brain is engaged, I think it’s easier for us to become aroused.

In some informal discussion with some pretty powerful women, I think I’ve discovered a couple more reasons so many of us would rather read about sex than engage in it…

Our men are tired, too. It’s hard for them to be heroes when they’ve worked a full day. They could use a quick release to sleep better.

Men in our books are rarely like that, right?

So how is real life different from fiction?

So here are a couple of tips…men, if you want us to be a sex kitten (and I think most of us want to be a sex kitten for you), give us what we need: a bit of foreplay, for starters. Remember our sex organ is our brain. Yes, we know Tab A needs to get inserted into Slot B, but there are some ways to help you get what you want. Turn us on with hot, sexy words. (No I don’t necessarily mean the F-word! Tell us how special we are, how much we mean to you.)

We will primp and prepare for you and we’d like a little of the same back from you! Some women love the scent of clean sweat; it can be a turn-on. End of the day, I’m tired after working all day sweat isn’t as appealing. Get ready for us as you would have for a date with us when you were wooing us.

Also, try asking us what we want. And not necessarily while we’re in bed together. Foreplay can be an intimate discussion over dinner and a glass of wine. (That’s why date nights are so wonderful!)

Give us the attention you give your job, your poker night, your sports.

And ladies, we have to do our part, too. We may have to take a few chances to get what we want. We must be as brave in the bedroom as we are in changing the world. We must never make our men feel as if they have to compare to our heroes. The idea is for us to enjoy our time together as much as they hope we will.

And if we use books as a way to be better lovers, to be more intimate, to be a bit more bold…so much the better!

Happy reading…and other things….



Scarlett Parrish said...
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Scarlett Parrish said...

I don't buy the 'women work full time' excuse. A lot of men do, too, and they're still randy.

This post shows the value of asking your lover what they want - for instance, I HATE the thought of sweet nothings, whereas a lot of other women would love that. I'm not an overly (verbally) romantic person, despite being a writer. I'd barf if a man told me how special I was to him. Sometimes you just want to be thrown down and TAKEN, you know?

Don't buy me flowers. Chocolates? Oh yes; those are always welcome!

And, if possible, be Alexander Skarsgard.