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8.8.12

BDSM vs. Domestic Abuse - not even close to the Same!

Since I write in the BDSM genre and have lived in the lifestyle, I take exception to the comparison that a submissive is no different from a victim of domestic abuse. This assumption could not be further from the truth. Sadly, I've heard this comment more and more since the 50 Shades revolution than ever before. Let me point out some very basic differences.

1.  A submissive is not afraid to say No.
2.  When a submissive says No, that word is always, always respected.
3.  A submissive chooses what he or she will or won't do - never forced.
4.  A dominant never does anything to or with the submissive out of anger.
5.  "Scenes" are often negotiated and discussed beforehand.
6.  The Dominant and submissive have a great deal of trust and respect for each other, usually love as well.
7.  Communication is open and honest and without fear.
8.  The Dominant is aware of and grateful for the awesome trust a submissive willingly gives to him.
9.  After a "scene" both partners feel satisfied, loved, complete.
10.  A submissive is a confident, strong, equal partner in all aspects of the relationship.

Abuse is not to be tolerated.  BDSM is to be enjoyed.

Here's an excerpt from my book - What's Your Pleasure - describing a collaring ceremony between a husband and wife.


“By accepting my collar, you are accepting my dominance over you. You are accepting me as your Lord and Master. With our friends as witness, you proclaim yourself not only my lawful wife but my willing slave. Willing to obey my word, willing always to be honest, willing to accept discipline, share with me all your fears, all your desires. You do this of your own free will.”

Beth raised her eyes to look at Bruce. She said nothing. She smiled and lifted her hair off of her neck. Bruce nodded, his lips twitched slightly, betraying his pleasure at her gesture. He clasped the exquisite collar around her neck.

Beth dropped her hair and held out her own hand. A woman whom Joe had not noticed before handed Beth a leather belt. Beth folded it and kissed it. She held it up as an offering to Bruce.

“By accepting this gift, my Lord and Master, You are accepting Your responsibility to train me as Your willing slave. With our friends as witness, You proclaim Yourself not only my lawful husband, but my loving Master. Willing to shower me with patience, structure and love. Willing always to be honest, to share with me Your desires, Your dreams. Willing to discipline and teach me so that I may grow and we may share in a life of pleasure and joy. You do this of Your own free will.”

Bruce reached down and accepted the belt. Beth kissed his shoes. Joe’s eyes widened when Bruce snapped the belt three times. Beth placed her forehead on the ground before his feet, her hands on either side of her head, and raised her bottom. Using the belt, Bruce administered five deliberate lashes to Beth’s backside. The sound of leather hitting naked flesh echoed throughout the otherwise silent room. Joe watched in fascination as five distinct red markings glowed on Beth’s white skin.
“With the exchange of these gifts,” Vincent announced, “and the acceptance of the first markings, this collaring ceremony is complete. If you will all hold up your glasses and give toast to Bruce and his newly acquired slave-wife, Beth? Long may they find their joy in each other.”

Joe raised her glass along with the others, catching Vincent’s eye, marvelling at how this unique ceremony touched her. She had witnessed a number of weddings, but none seemed as formal or heartfelt as this total giving of one’s self to another. She watched Vincent’s eyes darken. He tipped his glass in her direction before drinking his toast. Flustered, she automatically returned the gesture.



Bruce, rather than drinking from his glass, reached down to take Beth’s hand. He helped her to her feet and held the wine to her lips while she drank. Only then did he partake of the wine, draining the glass in one gulp. Shouting triumphantly, he scooped his bride into his arms and swung her about to the cheers of the guests.



As you can see  - Beth and Bruce are both very willing, aware, and happy with their lifestyle choice.

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