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Stuff Your Muff And Tickle Your Pickle

The spirit of a good romance novelist is an adventuresome one.

So who's to say that we should endow our heroine only with a "cunt" or a pussy," or our hero with a "cock" and a "shaft"?  In fact, I'd rather like to think that there's a whole plethora of new, unexplored metaphors and descriptors our there that serve to expand our horizons as writers--and more titillatingly--as readers.

What if she had a "love canal" and he had an "acorn andy"?  Too much? Not serious enough? Unsatisfying and pejorative? Good for a parody?

While we're at it, let's try these other terms out for size:

AND, Just for fun, here's a passage from my recent release Hyperpersonal, Hypersexual rewritten with some juicy selections from Reddit.
Juliette’s breasts sprang free, and they moulded against Chris’ glistening, tight skin. His bare flesh against her nipples sent waves of pleasure through her body, made the fire of desire between her legs flare even hotter than before. “Oh, yeah,” Juliette sighed as a blast of cool air washed over her cucumber canal (pussy). The faint tickle of cloth as her thong trailed down her legs aroused her further.

Juliette was completely naked now. She quickly unbuttoned Chris’ pants, pulled the denim waist down to reveal tight black briefs, bulging thighs, beautiful calves, and the outline of a magic member (cock) so swollen it looked as if it would burst through his fly.

Juliette reached down to her clit, massaging softly, and she plunged her other hand deep into Chris’ briefs, grasping his warm, hard pickle (cock). She could feel the silky skin on the head of his rainbow roll (shaft), the veins bulging in his slim jim (cock), the shock of wiry hairs around his dangling fruit (balls) and stomach. It was so warm, so big. Juliette wanted to touch it more, to run her hands across it, before she leant back and let him rub it against her bald man in a boat (clit), from base to tip, then ram it deep inside her.
What do you think?  Could this be the next revolution in writing romance novels--or are the "terms" we currently use...enough?

Lots of love,

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