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Medievals are like a box of chocolates! Things up with which I will not put!

I'm into medievals lately and while I can say there are not many out there that truly meet the historically accurate litmus test, enough do that I have gotten my taste of:

  • skullduggery by villain, clerics, moneylenders, bands of forest creatures (!)
  • piety by evil nuns (?)
  • heroes who truly are the cats' meows (!!)
  • heroines who know how to wield a knife, a bow, a spoon (yeah, baby)
  • heroines who know how to satisfy a lusty hero, get up and catch a thief or find a murderer
  • heroines who can take a bath gracefully, survive deprevation of many kinds and still climb into bed, a bit sore for the efforts.

Like most historicals, medievals appeal to me for the escapism. And for the verisimilitude.
But there are some things up with which I will not put:

  • heroes who don't take baths
  • heroes who don't take baths before taking their ladies to bed
  • heroines who don't seem to mind that he just took off his chain mail that he's worn for...oh...months!
  • dinner that is eaten from plates (anachronisms R US)
  • appointments that are so lavish, the mind reels (ex: carpets in the castle, glass in the windows)
  • men who are very tall (Vikings, anyone?).

Got any you want to share?

1 comment:

Dr. kold_kadavr_flatliner, MD said...

Sweetheart, ya know what's highly erotic? Stroking you, feeding you baklava and those lil oranges, kissing your feets, taking a shower, sitting behind you till your labia is engorged, those adorably, wonderfully-arousing-TwoLips, giving an orgasm for both within 20 seconds?? Heaven Above... where I'll be thy servant, you master, and we'll be as one. And flying. Can't forget flying, girly. Don't you want that, where we could make love for yeeers and yeeers, never the same position twice?? Meet me Upstairs, doll --- Greetings, earthling!! Gottawanna run back to the Elysian Fields soon, but take anything and everything you wanna from our wonderfull, plethora-of-thot to write the next, great masterpeace -if- I can but kiss your gorgeous, adorable feets and/or cuddle withe greatest, ex-mortal-girly-ever to arrive in Seventh Heaven. Think about it. Do it! Get back with me Upstairs, k? God bless you, doll: pleasure-beyond-measure is waiting in the Great Beyond for you and eye. Love you. PS: the musical term MORENDO means ‘dying-away in tone-and-time’. How very apropos for U.S. …