Did you ever play that game where you were supposed to fall backwards and some was supposed to catch you? I was terrified of that game. And royally sucked at it. I just knew that the person behind me would drop me and I'd have a Charlie Brown attempting to kick the football moment. I prefer to catch myself or least place the soft landing gear myself. I have been hurt so many times by people I thought I could trust that trusting comes only with great trepidation. Then again, generally one does not make it to adulthood without bumps, bruises and whip marks of some kind. So what does it take for a strong-minded woman to give up control of her body? Everything.
I do not give up control - I give it away. When I am with my partner, in some situation, I give him control of my body because first, he is one of the very few people who has earned my trust. When I was a crying bundle of flesh curled up on my shower floor, scrubbing my body with pure rubbing alcohol to get the feel of a rapist's hands off of my skin, he helped me scrub. He didn't tell me to stop or that I was wrong. He helped me. When I was too frightened of any man to have any kind of sex, he held me and kissed the top of my head and waited almost six months until I was ready for intimacy of any sexual nature. He helped me to stand when all I wanted was to stay down. He is not the rock upon which I stand nor is he the crutch upon which I lean. He is the man who helps me become who I want to be and loves me despite (or perhaps because of) my many, many faults. I trust him with my life. I trust him to know what I need and, because I do, I give my body to him. He does not require this (although he certainly does not complain!) and would love me even if I did not off her free reign of my pussy, my anus, my ass, my tits, my mouth. He accepts me for who I am - a strong-willed, self-reliant, intelligent woman who does not NEED him, but WANTS him.
I derive my pleasure from his pleasure. When I can give him what he desires, I find pleasure. When he spanks me to tears and my ass is tender the whole next day, I know I have pleased him and this pleases me greatly. Every time I feel the effects of his hand I get wet, knowing my submission to him is based not on fear, but on love and trust and acceptance.
I make my own living and provide for my family. I hold several degrees of higher learning, am a published author, and admired woman. I have a retirement account, savings account and health insurance. I do not NEED a partner. I do not NEED anyone to take care of me. But do I WANT that? Oh yeah, I do. When I can stop being a provider, a writer, a mother, a daughter and be only his woman - that's when I can relax and be free.
I am submissive to him by my choice, not his command, and within that choice is peace.