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5.9.13

Why do I love BDSM Romance?


You know 10 years ago I would never ever have dreamed of writing about BDSM, let alone writing BDSM stories. Not knowing anything about it other than what I'd heard in whispers over the years, I thought (and I'm sure a lot of people still do) that it was all about being beaten up and tortured. I couldn't even imagine a time when a person would want to be put through what I saw as an unnecessary and painful ordeal. I thought these people must have some type of psychiatric disorder and they desperately needed help.

At the same time as I was thinking these bad things about a philosophy and a lifestyle I knew next to nothing about, I was finding myself fantasizing about all sorts of situations that made me feel very confused and conflicted. On the one hand I condemned BDSM through misunderstanding and misinterpretation, and on the other I found myself drawn to movies and stories where the heroine was completely at the mercy of another person. And not necessarily a hero either.

As an impressionable adolescent I watched as Robert Redford held a gun to Katherine Ross while insisting she take her clothes off. I got so hot that I still dream about that scene.  Worse, I remember watching a movie about a serial killer where he tied his victims to a bed and touched them all over while watching on fully clothed, and I wished it was me. Of course my fantasy turned him into a handsome lover who eventually let me go, but at the time I thought I was quite disturbed!  Heck, it's amazing that my strict Catholic upbringing didn't send me to the loony bin even thinking about it. Okay, maybe I still think I was disturbed!

Later, when I discovered fumbling sex with my boyfriend and we made out in alleys and on the beach, the thought of being seen by others turned me on at the same time as it horrified me! I watched the movie EMMANUELLE which gave me years of scenes to fantasize about but I thought I was being really really naughty! Boy did that make me feel weird, but I never really made the connection to BDSM. Not until years later.

I was already reading and writing erotic romance when I bought a book to support a fellow new author and read it in one sitting. The book was NO ONE BUT MADISON by Doreen Orsini. I had no idea it was BDSM until I read it. I couldn't put it down, and to this day I revisit it over and over again. In fact I have probably read it more than 20 times since it first came out in 2006. Thank you Doreen for starting me on my journey of discovery! It all began to make sense. All those pent up feelings and fantasies were not just me. Others had them too. Others even lived their life by them. How exciting!

What a relief!

I spent the next few years reading as many BDSM romance books as I could, finding wonderful authors such as Joey Hill, J W McKenna, Delilah Devlin, Cherie Sinclair, and more recently my fan girl crush is on Sierra Cartright. But I still had no idea what attracted me to this genre and this lifestyle. In the middle of this I decided that if I was going to fantasize, I needed to write it all down, but before that I had better do my research. I spent months looming on BDSM sites, reading non-fiction books on the subject, speaking to practicing subs (since quite frankly, I'd decided that was more me!) before I started my first book on it. THE MASTERS PRIZE was the result, and even though I don't think I got it completely right, I did manage to get a lot of my pent up feelings out and down on the paper. I finally found a way to express what I had been feeling all of my life. It was incredibly freeing for me and I hope others have been able to see that in the book.

Of course it isn't a real depiction of BDSM as I do not live the lifestyle, but I have spent a lot of time living in the headspace of a sub, and researching it all was so much fun :-) I know a few who read it loved it, so that's the main thing! So back to the topic.

Why do I love BDSM romance?
Remember these are my own opinions, and many of you may disagree with me and that's okay. This is all about what I feel personally. It took me a long time to sort out why I was attracted to this fantasy, but I think I have a handle on it now.

There four parts to my answer:

1. It's about letting go without losing yourself. The characters in BDSM are courageous enough to let go of their lives, their fears, anxieties, and yes, even their orgasms and place themselves in the hands of another. What an incredible gift to give another human being! And how freeing for an individual to be able to do it, allowing another to make decisions on what your body will have or not have.

2. It's about trust. There is no way you can give over of yourself to another if you don't trust them to allow you to be the one with the ultimate control. You gift them with yourself, but know that they can't do it without your consent and willingness. Being in a relationship where you trust another person to be responsible for what happens to you is, as I said, an amazing gift, and without trust it's not going to happen. How wonderful to be able to trust someone this much!

3. It's about heightening sensations. Being unable to control what happens to you makes you hyper aware of every inch of your body. It's an amazing feeling and very addictive :-) We've all heard that old adage "There's a fine line between pleasure and pain". Being taken to another plane with sensations given in a loving way can only heighten the pleasure and take it to even greater heights. (great song too!).

4. It's about being sane (knowing what you're doing at all times), safe (using caution and safety in all that is done) and consensual (knowing that both sides agree at all times and that it's okay to change your mind and stop).

As you can see, most of my reasons for loving BDSM romance involve the dynamics of the exchange of power. The deep emotions, the great sex and the amazing sensations are the results of this and can't exist without them. Plus I guess I'm just a tad kinky :-) So give me a sassy sub who willingly gives control over to a loving Dom and I'm happy. If he gives her amazing experiences by pushing her limits, and pushing mine as the reader, all the better! And before you ask - yes, I have tried a lot of what I researched :-) Not telling which bits though :-) My plan is one day to be brave enough to visit a club or even to a BDSM retreat for a weekend escape...so one day you never know! All in the name of research of course!

These days I have plenty of authors I enjoy reading who write BDSM the way I like it. As I mentioned, I love Sierra Cartright, Cherise Sinclair, plus there's also Nichelle Gregory, Desiree Holt, Ann Jacobs, Katherine Kingston, Mackenzie McKade, Sindra Von Yissel, Qwillia Rain, Reese Gabriel, Lisabet Sarai, Lily Harlem, and newcomer Ashe Barker -  and the list goes on. Some of these lovely authors live the life, some of them, like me - fantasize and research....but boy do I enjoy reading them as I am sure they love writing them.  Reading these books is like joining a secret women's business society! My guilty pleasure. *Bliss*

My second BDSM book is available now. It's called ILLUMINATIONS.  It's set in Victorian England and is related to a full length novel I am writing. Victorian England as a setting puts an entirely new spin on it for me but the emotions are the same.

My latest BDSM tale is KINKY BET....

Who knew losing a bet could be this much fun?

Erica Nielsen agreed to a bet with her best friend, but she never imagined losing would involve a weekend of punishment at Dangerous Liaisons, a BSDM retreat. But was it really punishment being trained by a sexy Irishman who takes her on a sexual journey of a lifetime?

Conal Brennan agrees to help a young woman find her submissive nature. He always enjoys being the one in control, but one look at the Nordic blonde he calls “Fire girl” and he’s not sure who’s controlling whom.

To read an excerpt and find the BUY link click HERE


So why do YOU like BDSM romance?

7 comments:

Diane Robson said...

Great insight into why you write BDSM books. Kinky Bet was a great book.

Lisabet Sarai said...

Hello, Maggie,

Very on-target analysis. Of course, you can't really explain the attraction, I believe. You either feel it or you don't.

(And thanks for the plug, too!)

Barbara Elsborg said...

Very interesting post - though I don't like BDSM books! The very reasons you like them are the reasons I don't. That's not to say I don't have any interest at all - I do, I've used a few BDSM scenes in my books but that is as far as I want to go. A whole book of it, not for me. Sorry.

Maggie Nash said...

Thanks Diane. I'm glad you enjoyed Kinky Bet! Conal is my favourite Dom :-)

Maggie Nash said...

Thanks for your nice comments Lisabet. I agree...you feel it or you don't. I'll be happy to drop by anytime :-)

Maggie Nash said...

That's the great thing about romance Barbara, So many different stories to cater to all different tastes...

joe pantel said...

really very interesting, i enjoy your writing........