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8.10.13

What I hate about BDSM Romance

Ya. I know. I write BDSM Romance, so how can I hate it? The answer - I don't! I just hate some aspects and perceptions of it. Such as

1.  People who participate in BDSM are somehow "damaged" and need the dominance or submission of BDSM in order to feel better about themselves. No names mentioned here, but I can think of 50 shades of assumptions gone askew!

2.  All BDSM involves pain. Not true. Ninety percent of BDSM is a mind fuck. I truly believe that 90% of sensuality is a mind fuck!

3.  Dominants are sadistic and only care about their own pleasure. In truth, a true dominant puts the needs of his submissive before his own. He must see to his pleasure, her pleasure, her safety.  For example, I have asthma and when my husband and I do a scene he watches my skin color careful. If I start to turn a bit gray (a sure sign my lungs are in distress), he puts a halt to anything going on even if I'm not ready to stop.

4.  BDSM is unnatural.  Okay. I got nothing here. Define "natural"? As in takes place in nature? Let me assure you all - there are LOTS of natural BDSM encounters!!!

5.  Submissives are wimps. GET REAL!!! Do you have any idea how brave and trusting a person must be to give control of his or her body over to another person?? Besides, this is one situation at least where NO means NO and STOP means STOP. In truth, the sub has all of the control.

6.  Dominants are arrogant. Again, GET REAL!! Do you have any idea how humbling an experience it is to know that another person trusts YOU enough to allow you control over his or her body?

I've been told by people whom I know and respect that my writing is just plain wrong. That it would be better if I took out the BDSM aspects and replaced them with good, old-fashioned love making. My response - I did that. I just included BDSM in that love making.

7 comments:

Shannon Baker said...

This article is mind blowing. When I read this article, I enjoyed.

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Barbara Elsborg said...

It's an interesting and misunderstood world that's for sure. I don't write about it - only on the edge = because I really think it needs a lot of research to get it right. Your article proves that!

Sierra said...

Love your post...and your subject line was attention-grabbing. Welle done! :)

john smith said...

It sounds like an interesting series. I will check it out

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